All your problems solved!
Published in the opinion page, as a member of the Community Advisory Board of the Holland Sentinel, the newspaper of Holland Sentinel.
Holland — Oh, what a wretch I once was! Poor, ugly and unmotivated, I wandered, desperate for direction. You too dream of beauty and brilliance, purpose and power, life everlasting, believing them impossible fantasies — but behold! Help is at hand!
That’s right: In the next 580 words, I’ll reveal your personalized path to perfection — your truth, your light and your way — condensed into effortless reads after years of arduous self-improvement on my part. Prepare to be transformed.
[my name] at yahoo dot com